Lessons on leadership and communication from The Bear and Ted Lasso

With up to 21% of companies failing due to cofounder/team dynamics, effective communication between these individuals is a key factor in determining the business' success or failure.

Luckily we're living in a time when two of the best TV series ever are fresh in out minds; Ted Lasso and The Bear. Both shows are full of life lessons, examples, memorable characters and dialog, but they each have a lesson that can help business co-founders and early team members work through the inevitable communication problems that come with working closely in a fast-paced, constantly-changing environment with lots of unknowns.

Carmy's ASL "I'm Sorry" in The Bear

Given restaurant kitchens can be noisy and filled with distractions, it's not surprising that chefs incorporate nonverbal communication. What better way to make yourself heard across a room than a shared gesture-based language?

In Season 2 of The Bear, Carmy and Syndey are facing the pressures of launching their new restaurant on time and on budget. Throughout the season each of them struggles at times with hearing the other and with being heard. In Episode 2, Sydney's implementing one of Carmy's recipes and gets some of it wrong. Carmy's worried his feedback is coming across as too harsh and he instinctively uses the ASL gesture for "I'm sorry":

Carmy explains to Sydney why he's using the ASL sign for "I'm sorry"

As Carmy explains, the chefs he learned it from expanded the definition of the gesture to fit their specific situation. Because their jobs are time-sensitive, they can't pause to have an in-depth talk and work out an issue. The gesture for them means "We'll talk about thus later". It makes the other person feel heard, and a lot of times just doing that is enough to turn a defuse a tense situation.

And later in the season we see Sydney's adopted the gesture, and they each use it as an apology and a way to say "Let's keep talking".

Throughout the season each of them use it when they realize they aren't hearing the other person, and it becomes a part of their shared language.

Invoking this shared language is a literal sign of their commitment to the partnership. It's the opposite of a thought-terminating cliché,

As co-founders you don't necessarily need to adopt this specific gesture, but having a way to effectively communicate "I hear you" in a way that's obvious to the other person can get you through a lot of your own disagreements.

Ted Lasso's "Oklahoma"

In S1 Episode 5 of Ted Lasso, Ted shares a story with Rebecca Welton about a technique his marriage counselor showed them. If either of them uses the word "Oklahoma", the other is supposed to "tell the God's honest truth":

Although the context here is couples counseling, it certainly applies to co-founders since that relationship is often compared to a marriage. In this case, having a word that is almost certainly not going to come up in normal conversation and has some additional rules and meaning added to it by agreement becomes a way for either person to quickly communicate, "No, really, I need to hear the truth. What are you actually feeling?" Just like Carmy's hand gesture it's the opposite of a thought-terminating cliché.

Tips for implementing your own co-founder shared language

If all of you are fans of these shows, definitely consider adopting these phrases! Adopting the shared language of a show you all enjoy is a great way to strengthen your own relationship. If you want to pick a different word or gesture, or are looking to develop a shared vocabulary, here are some things to consider:

• Look for ways to implement them naturally. It can be really hard to set up a meeting with the goal of creating a shared language. The best of these come out of everyday experiences, and the challenges of growing your business will create opportunities to build a shared vocabulary.
• But do make dedicated time to check in with each other. Even if you don't finish with a new shared language element, it's still important to make time for dedicated check-ins and to reinforce your commitment to the business and to each other.
• Keep using other communication best practices. Building a shared language is great, but there are lots of techniques you can and should be using, like active listening, feedback loops, and conflict resolution.